Be SILLY!

“The best things in life are silly.” Scott Adams

When the kids were younger I had a hard time being silly. I’d never really learned how to be silly as a child – it was not something I was comfortable with. But leave it to my kids to teach my how to take risks and break outside my comfort zone.

That’s what I love about kids – they teach us to move outside our comfort zones and take risks. They encourage us to be silly, to be in the moment and to just play.

When our kids were little we got a trampoline. I was very hesitant about this as all I thought about was someone getting hurt. After many discussions we agreed and got our first trampoline. The first few days I was a nervous mom, watching them, jumping with them and hanging over the edge.

As I was watching one day, the kids asked me to come sit on the trampoline with them. I gladly agreed for I knew if I was sitting there they would not jump high – they had other things in mind. My daughter wanted to play animals. I had no idea what she meant by this but she willingly showed me. Playing animals meant you acted out an animal and then everyone had to follow what you did. She said she would start.

I’m not much into playing make believe. Again I have had a very hard time being silly – it is not my natural bent. Add to this the fact that we lived on a golf course. I knew if I started acting out animals – people would see me. I was not interested.

But little ones do not like to take no for an answer. As my daughter persisted – I caved. She was so excited she almost fell off the trampoline.

She told me I had to start. I really did not know what to do. She gave me a lesson and told me to start by being a frog. So I did. I began hopping around the trampoline and making frog noises. The kids quickly followed suit and the laughter began. My son went next, he was a bear. He made loud noises and made his body very big – we all did the same. And on it went. I think we played wild animals for over an hour. I laughed until I cried, forgot all about the people walking by and just enjoyed the moments with my kids.

Playing animals became a favorite family game for many years. I thought I’d be glad when I no longer had to play but now that they are too old to play – I miss it. I miss those times of complete connection and silliness. My kids taught me to be silly. The funny thing is that now that they are teenagers – they do not like the silly side of mom. I remind them that its all their fault.

Being silly is important. Our kids need to be kids and they need us to play with them. Laughter is the best way to bond as a family – it releases stress and produces a safe environment for sharing and interaction. If you want to laugh more try being silly wqith your kids today.

Variations/Suggestions:
Let your kids make up whatever silly game they have in mind and then play with all your heart. Give them you complete attention and get out of your comfort zone. Being silly is part of childhood. It’s part of life. Embrace it.


Challenge: Go for it – take time to be silly. Don’t worry about what you look like or what others will think – just do it.

Dream Together!

“Don't let anyone steal your dream. It's your dream, not theirs.” Dan Zadra

Dreams are the fuel of life. Without dreams we get stagnant, stay stuck and settle for less than we deserve. With dreams we are energized, always in motion and going after things that are bigger and better. Teaching our kids to dream and dream big is critical. Teaching them to dream and supporting their dreams builds a solid foundation for their future success. Kids need to dream and dream HUGE!

One of the things we did with our kids many years ago was to write a 101 List. On this list they had to write down 101 things they wanted to do before they died. We encouraged them to think HUGE, to think outside of the box. We wanted them tot write down all the things they dreamed of doing during their lifetime. We told them there were no right or wrong answers – they could write anything on the list.

We also did this exercise with them and then shared our lists together as a family. I still have them, they are a treasure. We take them out from time to time and cross off things we have accomplished or add new things to the list. The point is not to do every single one as sometimes things change and we no longer want to do what we thought we did. The point of keeping a list is to keep dreaming, to keep crossing things off and adding new ones. We had our bucket lists long before it became a movie.

Some of the things we had on our lists included the following:
*Move to Maine
*Get masters degree
*Take a hot air balloon ride
*Get a dog
*Catch a fish longer than me
*Meet Wayne Gretsky
*Attend father/son hockey camp
*Go to Italy
*Drive a porche
*Scuba dive
*Ride on an elephant
*Sky dive
*Be in a school play
*Taste a star fruit
*Go on a roof
*Bench press 200 pounds
*Learn to play piano
*Be in the NHL
*Go to college
*Have two kids
*Learn Spanish

Our lists are so much fun to look at and review from time to time. It is amazing to me how many things we have been able to cross off. Taking the time to sit down as a family and dream together is fun and motivating. I have never watched anyone do this exercise and not get excited. Plan time to write down 101 things you want to do before you leave this earth – you will never regret the time it took to create your list.

Variations/Suggestions:
***Try asking your kids this simple question, “If you had no fear and you knew you could not fail, what would you do?” Then write down there answers. This is a simple way to begin a 101 Life List.

***Talk to your kids about what your dreams were when you were a kid. Talk about the things you wanted to do and be and then talk about how some things have come. Talking about your own dreams is one way to encourage our kids to dream HUGE.

***Read books about people with big dreams. Watch movies about people who followed their dreams and talk to people who are working towards their dreams. Being engaged with others who dream big is a great way to make ongoing dream conversations with our kids.

Challenge: Start your 101 List today. The time is now to dream big.

Bless Others

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” Kahlil Gibran

We have so much – our kids have so much. It amazes the amount of stuff we have and the opportunities that my kids have today that I never had. They have cell phones, iPods, play all kinds of sports and take vacations I never dreamed of as a child. Yet do they have too much?

I watch our kids and often feel that they’ve been given too much. They’ve had a pretty cushy life. I never had that. I grew up with very little and had to work very hard to build a life for myself. It wasn’t an easy process. And I can’t help but wonder how our kids will develop a strong work ethic and a heart of gratitude.

I think one of the ways we can teach our kids to appreciate what they have and to value working hard is to bless others. By sharing what we have with others, both our time and money, our kids see that others have less than we do. Giving to others teaches us to get the focus of ourselves on onto others. It teaches us to take a look at all we have and all that we have to be grateful for.

No matter where your family is at financially, we have been blessed. The fact that we live in this country and have access to all that we do – we are blessed. And no matter how much or how little we have – we can bless others. If we have money – then we can give money. If we do not have money – we can give of our time. No matter who you are or where you are at in your life you can bless someone else and in doing so your kids will learn to be a blessing by blessing others.

My husband’s family decided years agar to stop giving gifts to one another. Instead of giving gifts we decided to sponsor a family in need each Christmas. One family was selected to find a family and then all the other family members gave money to this family. It was an awesome experience. When it was our turn, we sponsored a family that we knew through another family member. We were able to get everything on their list and then some. We took the gifts to the family, spent some time with them and then shared the experience on Christmas day with the rest of the family. It was really a cool event.

Our kids were humbled by the way the family we sponsored live. They left feeling sad and wishing they could have done more. Being a part of giving to this family helped them to see that not all families lived the way we did and that it truly is a blessing to give to others.

Another way we have been able to bless others is by giving up something we want in order to give to someone else. If we only give of our surplus, are we really giving? I have found that when I give sacrificially, give more than the surplus, it feels different. If I have to give up something in order to give to someone else, I really feel the gift in a different way. I am not suggesting that you give up your lie or put yourself in a financial crisis to give. What I am suggesting is that you give, really give as a family at least once.

You may decide to not give gifts to each other one Christmas and give to a family in need. You may decide to forgo a vacation in order to support a child in Africa. You may decide to sacrifice a new car in order to be able to help a local outreach. No matter what you choose, giving sacrificially has huge benefits. I believe we are blessed when we give, really give.

Variations/Suggestions:
***Start a giving fund. Put aside a certain amount of money each week. Let this money grow and then begin to watch for ways you could use it. Decide together as a family how to bless someone else with the money in the jar.
***Set aside time each month to give to others. It could be an hour or a full day. It does not matter what you do or how you do it – taking time to bless others will have huge rewards.

Challenge:
Make a commitment to bless someone else. Give of your time or money as a family. And give sacrificially.

Storytelling = Family Bonding

“Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.” From the television show The Wonder Years

We used to go ice fishing every winter with the kids. We built an ice house and would put it on the lake every winter. Once the ice house was ready we made a commitment to go out fishing as a family one or twice a week.

I don’t like fishing. I never have. I think it’s boring – especially sitting on a frozen lake in a small house with three kids. Yet even though I’ve always hated fishing – I loved ice fishing with our kids. Some of our best memories with our children happened in our ice house.

Our ice fishing tradition started one night many years ago when we made a decision to go out with my husband just because he loved it. He had planned a picnic dinner, brought the cards and tunes. He was so excited that we were all joining him. I was not excited.

It took forever to get set up, the kids were cold, dinner was mediocre and the dog was not enjoying it. I copped an attitude before we even put our lines in the water. My husband could see it coming and was trying so hard to make this a great family event. The kids and are were not thrilled. After an hour we all wanted to go home.

My husband didn’t want to go home – he was having fun. Then as a last ditch effort or stroke of pure genius he said, “Let’s tell stores.” I had no idea what he meant. I wasn’t interested in telling stories I wanted to go home to my nice warm house. But I went along with it.

He started by telling the kids stories about his childhood. He told them funny stories, sad stories and stories that had real lessons in them. The kids got engaged – they forgot they were bored and appeared to really enjoy listening. I have to admit it was fun – I engaged and shared a few of my own stories as well. Many hours later we decided we had better head home. I think we were the last ones on the lake that night.

We returned home still laughing and talking. We had forgotten about playing cards, had not turned the radio on and no one got bored. It was really incredible. And the funniest thing was that I couldn’t wait to go again.

For many years we kept the ice fishing tradition going. And every time we went we told stories. Our kids learned all about our lives and their relatives. We laughed, cried and bonded. We shared stories they couldn’t wait to share with others and we shared stories that will remain in that ice house forever. It was incredible to watch how we grew and learned through our storytelling nights in the ice house.

Sharing our childhood stories with our children can be healing and bonding. We let them know who we are and where we came from. We can teach them through our stories without it ever appearing that we are teaching. Storytelling is a lost art in our world today. Yet if we can find the time to keep it alive our families will be stronger as the result.

Variations/Suggestions:
***Visit your children’s grandparents with the specific purpose of asking them to share their stories with your kids. The older generation has so much to offer if they are willing to share their stories with us. It may help to have questioned prepared ahead of time so that if you get stuck or the other person does not know what to share you can lead the conversation.
***Read stories about people with your ancestry or family history. Reading about people similar to your family can often spur on the sharing of our own stories.

Challenge: Think of a few stories you could share with your children that you never want to lose. By sharing them with our children they become part of our family legacy.

Be Spontaneous

“Don't refuse to go on an occasional wild goose chase - that's what wild geese are for.” Author Unknown

Spontaneity sometimes goes out the window when we have kids. It’s so easy to get caught up in the daily grind of raising kids, getting them where the need to go and maintaining some kid of normalcy. Often we lack spontaneity because we’re tired, stressed or just plain do not think about it.

The good news is that spontaneity can be restored. We can make time for it, reconnect with it and use it as a tool to draw our family closer together – even if we never had it before.

My husband would tell you that I’m not spontaneous – that I like to have a plan and have things in order. It’s true. Spontaneity does not come naturally for me – I’ve had to work on it. And having to work on spontaneity seems like an oxymoron.

Working on something or planning for something that should be done spur of the moment seems weird. I used to think that if I had to plan to be spontaneous it defeated the purpose. And yet by learning and practicing spontaneity – it‘s become natural. Today I can be spontaneous and live in the moment – I never thought it would be possible.

In the beginning I had to look for ways to be spontaneous. I literally had to pay attention to my family life and look for ways to do something in the moment. My first experience came when my oldest son was a teenager. I was running late that day and had asked him to start the spaghetti. He said he would and when I got home I was surprised to find that not only did he start it – he had dinner done. It was so excited. I had had a hard day and was glad that I could just sit down to dinner with the family.

We sat down to eat. I took one bite and almost gagged. I looked at my husband and he was doing the same thing. The dinner was saltier than anything I had ever tasted. We asked our son what he had done and he said that he kept putting slat in the water with the noodles because it kept boiling over. He apparently had added a whole container of salt trying to get the noodles to quit bubbling over.

I knew this was my opportunity to be spontaneous. I knew we could not eat the dinner and I am so grateful I was able to see the humor in it. I immediately got up from the table and dumped my dinner down the garbage disposal. I called to the kids saying, “come on lets dump dinner – we’re going out.” They looked at me rather strange. So I continued by saying, “this is a great opportunity, come on dump dinner - lets go out to eat.” By then they were all laughing and then they all got up and started dumping their dinner down the sink. We were all laughing and joking. It was a purely spontaneous moment.

We hopped in the car and went to dinner. We had a great time at dinner. Our son apologized and we assured him it was not his fault and we thanked him for creating a fun night for our family. It ended up being one of our best dinners out.

We can be spontaneous is the little things like putting off the laundry to go out and play. Or we can be spontaneous in the big things like packing up the car and taking a surprise trip. No matter how we add spontaneity to our lives our kids will benefit. Spontaneity teaches our kids to let go, enjoy the moment and have fun. We all take life too seriously and get too busy – make it a priority to be spontaneous as a family on a regular basis.

Variations/Suggestions:
***Plan a spontaneous day. Let the kids know that you will set aside a whole day to just be spontaneous. Ask everyone to join in and then head out on an adventure of spontaneous activities.

***Take the long way home the next time you take a drive to a familiar place, try going a different way. Notice what you see, talk in the car and make it fun.
Watch other people practice spontaneity. I love to hang around people who are naturally spontaneous – they teach me how to let go and live it with my family.

Challenge: Look for opportunities to be spontaneous this month. I know this sounds counterintuitive when trying to be spontaneous but in the beginning we need to look for opportunities and then run with them. Once we practice being spontaneous it will become a habit.

Stay Connected When Traveling

“No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity, if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?” Elbert Hubbard

As a speaker, I have always traveled for work. Being on the road is hard and lonely. And it can be hard to stay connected with the kids while I am away.

I have found a few ways to stay connected while traveling. One of my favorite is to write them a letter for each day that I will be gone. I write these notes before I leave and then have my husband set one on their pillow each morning. This way they wake up each day with a note from mom. It is a fun way to stay connected and to let them know each day that they are loved and missed.

Another way I stay connected is via technology. While technology can often bring us apart as a family – it can also keep us connected. Texting, emailing and using social media can be a fun way to stay connected and to keep the kids informed about where I am and what I’m doing. I try to send photos, texts and emails while on the road. I am often waiting in airports or on long car rides. These down times are great times to send a text or email. Even if the kids do not respond I know they have received my communication and I feel more connected.

I also try to bring each child on a trip with me at least once a year. It is fun for them to see what I do for work and to have time alone with mom. This may not work for all jobs or events but if it’s possible – it is a great way to bond with your kids. My kids have been able to travel with me, sell books at my book table and watch their mom in action. I love having them with and my clients have always enjoyed having them along as well. I will never forget the first time my oldest son heard me speak; he came to me afterwards and hugged me tight. He then told me I was awesome and that he liked hearing that I talked about him during my speech – it was priceless.

Regardless of what we do for work, we need to keep connected with our kids when we are away traveling for work or even if we are just putting in long hours for a season. Take the moments of down time that you may have and use those times to connect with your kids. Our kids just need to know they are loved and that even when we are apart that they are in our thoughts.

Variations/Suggestions:

***If you know you are going to be away for work, plan ahead and spend some extra time with your kids before you leave. Make sure that no matter what you leave on good terms with your kids. There is nothing worse than being apart when you did not leave on good terms. Planning ahead and paying attention to your stress level prior to leaving can help alleviate pre-travel family stress.

***Ask your kids how they want to connect with you when you are gone. They may love texting and you don’t. Try it. Tell them you are willing to text during your time away. You may find it is a great way to connect.

***Pay attention to the busy season at work and plan ahead for your family time. If you know you are going to be busy for the next month, let your family know. Make a plan together as to how you will stay connected. Our kids are resilient and even more so when they know what is coming. Keep the lines of communication open and above all make the time for your family.

Challenge: The next time you have to travel for work or play, make a plan as to how you will stay connected. It is fun to plan and even more fun to execute.

Send Love Notes

“In today's fast-paced life, letters are a personalized way to stay in touch with your child, even as you are separated from each other during the day.” Bill Zimmerman

Writing love notes to our kids and leaving them in fun places can be a great way to stay connected while you are apart during the day. A simple note left on the counter in the morning before school or a note stuck in their backpack can be a simple way to let your child know he or she is loved throughout the day.

I have been leaving notes and hiding notes for my kids for many years. It’s a fun way to connect with them – especially as they get older. And yet I have not been the receiver of these notes until recently.

Not too long ago I came home from work and my daughter had dinner ready for my husband and I. The fact she made dinner was awesome enough – but the icing on the cake was the love notes. She had written love notes for each family member and placed them on each of our plates. I just sat and cried. I was so blessed by her love and her willingness to do something so sweet for our family.

Of course I have the note in my scrapbook where I will treasure it forever. But more importantly my belief that what we teach our kids will come back to us once again came true. I have always believed that if I consistently do things in my kid’s lives – that someday they will turn around and do those things for others. And it happened again. I had been writing love notes to my daughter for years and after 16 years I ended up being on the receiving end – it was very cool.

I have also been on the receiving end of some great letters over the last few months from our oldest son who joined the Army and left for boot camp a few months ago. All my friends told me that we should not get our hopes up too high about receiving letters. One of my friends even gave him pre-addressed stamped envelopes so he could write to his mom. All our friends joked with him and told him he had better write to his mom but on the side they told me to not hold my breath. I really did not have any expectations as I highly doubted he would write much as I had never received a letter from him.

To my surprise – he has written every week. It has been such a blessing. I have received long letters – letters of love. Again I realize that when we train our children and teach them through our actions, they often turn around and do what we did. It is so neat to be writing letters with my grown son – I now look forward to getting the mail every day.

No matter what stage of life your kids are in you can start writing them love notes. You can mail them, leave them on their pillow or hide them somewhere they will find them. Love notes are an awesome way to love our kids and stay connected. And who knows maybe someday they will return the blessing and write you a love note.

Variations/Suggestions:

• Use this with your spouse. Most of our marriages could use more love. Take time to write your honey a love note. You may be surprised by the results.
• Write notes as a family to others. You could write to family members in the military, relatives far away and someone who is sick. Writing notes together is a great way to share love with others.
• Write notes of encouragement and praise to others at work. Human beings love praise and it is even better when it comes in written form. I have known employees who have hung on to written words of praise for years. You have the ability to build others up at work by leaving them notes of praise.

Challenge:
Take time and write a love note to someone this week. It doesn’t have to be long and laborious. Keep it simple and real - just express your love.

Contracts for Kids

“A written, objective contract can greatly contribute to family harmony.” Dr. Gary Smalley

Contracts are used widely in the business world but seldom used in family life. But we believe contracts have a place in there too. The definition of a contract, as it relates to the family, is an agreement regarding mutual responsibilities between family members. It’s a binding agreement between two or more family members for the doing or not doing of certain things a contract also means a deal, an agreement or a bond.

Using family contracts can be an effective way to balance love and limits. By writing family limits in a contract, a family is forced to clarify and clearly set boundaries. Contracts keep family members accountable for their commitments.

When family members write out and choose to keep their commitments to one another, they grow. A strong bond can be formed between members. Clearly defined rules, limits and consequences allow children the opportunity to make informed decisions and take responsibility for their actions. Contracts have the power to eliminate miscommunication and allow all members to set and agree upon clearly defined expectations.

Keep in mind that contracts can be revised or changed as needed. Often a contract will be changed over time or as you implement it. A family contract is not set in stone. There’s always room for renegotiation in a later family meeting. The key is to start one or more contracts and adapt as needed.

A contract can greatly contribute to family unity but it can be tough to implement, especially with teenagers. Try not to become discouraged at the first attempt to incorporate the contract into your family. Many teens will fight this. It may take weeks or months before everyone realizes the value. Stay committed and be firm. It can work.

When writing a contract, decide first which type of contract needs to be written and for which family member. Writing a contract involves setting clear limits. When you write down what you've agreed on with your children, you avoid the frustration about what was said and not said when the boundary or rule was set. By having an "official" contract, you avoid misunderstandings.

When writing a family contract, use simple language and clearly state the rules along with the consequences for violations. Let your children be involved in this part. It’s often surprising how tough they will be on themselves. And by allowing them to help write the contract, they have ownership in it. It’s important to make sure all members understand the contract and the commitments they are making prior to signing.

Once the contract has been written it’s important for the family members involved to sign the contract. It’s important that both you and your child sign this document, solidifying the commitments made by both parties.

Once a contract has been signed, it’s important to monitor the commitments made and follow up with the consequences agreed upon when a violation happens. This can be the hardest part for many parents. Yet this is the most important part of the whole process. By setting clearly defined rules and the consequences for violations you set the standard. When violations happen, it’s important to follow through with the consequences set in the contract.

If you committed to taking away privileges when a violation occurs, do it and do it immediately. It’s not easy but it will be worth it in the long run. Parenting and raising solid kids is hard work. Stay strong and follow through – this is the best gift you can give your kids.

In the real world there are consequences for behavior. By helping our kids learn how to be accountable for their behavior, we help them become productive adults. Through consistency, our kids will learn to take their commitments seriously and learn to take responsibility for their actions.

Variations/Suggestions:

• Ask your kids for input about what sorts of contracts might be useful for your family. Our kids are often tougher on themselves than we ever could be.
• Write up a contract for yourself and share it with your kids. This is a great way to show your kids that you are also on board.
• Go online and find some family contract templates. There are many resources available – use them. There is no sense in recreating the wheel.

Challenge: Think about how you could use contracts in your family. What areas would a contract help you to set down the rules and then let the contract be the enforcer.

Take Time to Pray

“God tells us to burden him with whatever burdens us.” Author Unknown

Teaching our kids to pray is powerful. Prayer is not something they learn in school or with their friends. They may learn it from church but even that is not the same as learning it at home. Prayer is powerful – it teaches our kids to depend on something bigger than themselves, it gives them a place to go when things get tough and it opens the door to their spiritual growth.

No matter what your spiritual beliefs are – I believe you can incorporate prayers into your life as a family. The old saying 'a family that prays together, stays together' is true. If we take time to be open and pray together, we are letting down the walls and acknowledging that we do not have all the answers. I know that I cannot parent without help – I need God and I need regular prayer. By allowing God into my life and my family, I'm a better parent.

We began praying with our kids when they were very little. We prayed before meals and again at bedtime. The bedtime prayers were the most precious. We would read a book together and then snuggle into bed to say prayers. I remember these times very vividly. Our kids often said the funniest things during prayer time.

Our youngest prayed for months that God would change mom’s heart and make her want a dog. I assured the kids I did not want a dog and that we would not be getting one. I told them God could bring them their own dogs once they were adults. It became a sticky subject. I tried to encourage our son to pray about other things – but he was stuck on the dog track. He even recruited the other kids to join him in praying that God would bring us a dog.

After praying for many months for a dog – my heart began to change. At first I thought I was just feeling guilty listening to the kids pray for a dog but after a while I began to realize I was softening toward the idea of having a dog. Everywhere I went I began to watch dogs, ask people about their dogs and actually pet them. It was weird – my heart was changing. Though I did not tell the kids this because deep down I really did not know if I could have a dog – I was not a dog person.

But I was willing to look into what having a dog would look like. I spoke to my husband and we began to research dogs. We did not tell the kids, we just began really thinking about it on our own. And then it happened, we went away for a romantic weekend and came home with a dog. It felt right. We fell in love with our Gabby the moment we saw her. My heart had changed! I fell in love with our dog.

We brought the dog home from our weekend away but the kids had no idea. They were asleep when we got home. We brought the new puppy upstairs and woke each of the up by setting the new puppy on their beds. It was amazing. Each of our children woke up – thought they were dreaming and then just went nuts. It was precious. Their prayers were answered.

I think back to how my heart changed, how my kids prayed for years and I am so grateful. I am grateful my heart changed. I am grateful we have our precious dog. Gabby has made our family complete. She's a great dog. She’s been the kid’s best friend when they needed it. She has brought joy and laughter to our home. And she has taught us to let go and enjoy the moment. I never thought I would love a dog so much.

Prayer is powerful. And while our kids may not get what they pray for, prayer teaches us to be open to God and His will for our lives. It teaches us to wait and to let go of the outcome.

In addition, prayer can be the way to make it through tough things as a family. We can pray for those who are sick. We can pray through personal difficulties. We can pray for direction. We can pray for each other. We can pray about anything and everything.

Variations/Suggestions:
***If you are new to prayer, try just saying thank you for the day and for your family. As you grow in your comfort level with prayer you can move on to thanking God for specific things.
***Go out and buy a book about prayer. Then take time to read this together as a family. There are some great books about family prayer and kids prayers on the market. Just reading about prayer can open the doors to developing a family prayer life.

Challenge: Try it. Just try prayer and see if it works. What have you got to lose?

Volunteer as a Family

“Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something.” Author Unknown

Teaching our kids that the world doesn’t revolve around them is one of the most important life skills we can teach them. Kids need to need that life’s not all about them - they are part of our family, part of our community and ultimately part of our world.

Too many kids are growing up believing that the world revolves around them. They get what they want, have more than we could ever have imagined as kids and are entertained constantly. I’m afraid this generation is really going to struggle when they get out in the real world because in the real world it isn’t all about them.

We have been volunteering with our kids since they were very little – we have had some awesome times and some very interesting experiences. But regardless of whether the experience was good or not – our kids have learned, we have learned. We have learned how to put others before ourselves, we have learned we have so much to be grateful for and we have learned that we can make a difference as a family.

Volunteering is fun. Our daughter, Brittni, has Type 1 diabetes. Volunteering for diabetes events has been a natural fit for our family. We have a cause we can support and one we believe in. There are thousands of organizations that need help. Find one that your family can support and volunteer for.

In addition we have worked in soup kitchens, homeless shelters and in our community. We have adopted families at Christmas, gave out food on Thanksgiving and our kids go on a weeklong outreach trip every year.

One of our recent trips to the soup kitchen was quite the experience. The kids have been going for quite a while and they had gotten very comfortable. They know the people we volunteer with and they’ve overcome their fears. They cook food, serve food, help clear tables and wash dishes – they work hard. But this particular time the energy was different. They seemed a little uncomfortable. I encouraged them to just serve and smile. Just as they starting getting comfortable – a huge fight broke out. Within two seconds both kids were standing right behind me – their eyes were huge. I hugged them both, the staff got the situation under control and those involved were escorted out of the building. It was scary – but it was also a good learning experience.

Later at dinner we were able to talk about what happened and why. The kids were able to express their fear and their sadness. They were able to see that people who have nothing often have other issues. And after talking it through they decided that even though it was scary – it was an experience they would not forget. They learned something that day. They learned our family has a lot to be grateful for. And they learned that serving others can be messy.

Volunteering can be a lifestyle. If our kids learn how to serve others when they are young – it will become a habit. It will be something they continue to do as they are older. They will know the benefits and will have learned that serving others can be fun.

The key to make volunteering as a family work is to keep it fun. Focus on being together as a family, look for the fun in every activity and then go for ice cream or dinner after to share what you learned. Our kids look forward to volunteering and they look forward to our tradition of going out for pizza afterwards.

Volunteering is good for everyone – it is free, easy to do and there are hundreds of opportunities in our own communities. Make a commitment to volunteer with your family today. By doing this you will watch your children grow and your family will have yet another way to bond and be awesome!

Variations/Suggestions:
***Join another family and volunteer together. Volunteering with others can be more fun and your kids will see that other kids volunteer too.

***Ask you local school for ideas. Many schools have organizations they support and would welcome help from your family.

***Make a holiday tradition around volunteering. Choose any holiday and commit to volunteering somewhere. You can adopt a family at Christmas, help with an Easter hunt, or serve water at a 4th of July parade. There are many ways to make the holidays more meaningful by adding the tradition of volunteering.

Challenge: Talk about volunteering with your kids. Ask them for ideas of ways you could help others as a family. Remember volunteering does not have to be complicated or even time consuming – it can be simple things we do for others as a family.

Fall is the time for a family bonfire...

“The fire is the main comfort of the camp, whether in summer or winter, and is about as ample at one season as at another. It is as well for cheerfulness as for warmth and dryness.” Henry David Thoreau

There are few things I love more than a backyard bonfire. There is something exciting about it. It is a time to connect with nature and to connect with my family. Some of my best memories of the kids growing up years were of the nights we sat up late around a backyard bonfire.

Having backyard bonfires as a family is simple and very inexpensive. You may not be able to afford to go on vacation but you can easily get some wood, some marshmallows and have a backyard bonfire. The kids love it. It's time without the TV. And it costs very little.

Variations/Suggestions:
***If you have an indoor fireplace. Light a fire and cook hot dogs right in the house. Put a blanket in front of the fireplace and have dinner right there in the living room. Make sure to turn off the TV and just enjoy hanging by the fire as a family.
***Invite others over for a bonfire. Bonfires are meant to be shared. Having a fire is a good excuse to invite the neighbors or friends. The more the merrier.

Challenge:
Plan a time over the next few months to have a bonfire. Put it on the calendar plan a bonfire menu and invite others. Bonfires are a great way to bond as a family. [We had one last weekend - it was great]

Give Kissey-Lovey

“If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough.” Ann Landers

I love to be silly and laugh with my kids. I also love to make up funny saying and family traditions. Kissey-lovey started when my youngest was little. I use to snuggle with him and kiss his cheeks and hug him tight. He was my little snuggler– I loved to snuggle with him. And during one of our snuggle times he said, “more kissey-lovey”. It stuck from then on we called our snuggle time ‘kissey-lovey’.

Brady would often come to me and say he needed some ‘kissey-lovey’. We would then snuggle and cuddle. It was just precious. I miss those days. Brady is now bigger than I am and no longer even talks about kissey-lovey. In fact I'm sure he'll be horrified when he reads that I've written about him.

Yet when I think back on those times – they were precious. They built a solid foundation. Our kids need our love – they need physical touch. They need to be cuddled and snuggled. Healthy, loving touch is a human need. And our kids need it from the time they are born.

One of the saddest things I hear from others is that their family does not touch. Often it's due to abuse, addiction or mental health issues. It’s sad. Lack of healthy touch in a home will create long term damage. We owe it to our kids to give them as much kissey-lovey as we can. Even in the later years.

Now that my kids are adults and teenagers – they no longer want kissey-lovey. But they still need hugs. They need to be held when they're going through rough times. They need a pat on the back or a hand to hold. We never outgrow the need for touch, to feel love.

Stop right now and go give your kids some love!

Variations/Suggestions:
**If your kids are older try just giving a hug EVERY day. It does not need to be a big deal, just ask for or give a hug every day.

**Let your kids see you hug and love your spouse. The more healthy touch kids see, the more comfortable they are with it. So go ahead – give you spouse a big hug and kiss today.

**Snuggle when you can. Snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie or cuddle by a bonfire on a cold evening. Make an effort to be close to your family both emotionally and physically.

Challenge:
Make an effort to give your family ‘kissey-lovey’ this week. Keep in mind whether you love or need physical touch – people around you do need it. Physical touch is important to our kid’s wellbeing.

Go Out in the Dark

“Moonlight is sculpture.” Nathaniel Hawthorne

There is something very cool about being outside in the dark as a family. When our kids were little, they always wanted to stay up late. I remember when they thought midnight was SO late. Now that they're teenagers, midnight is early. But regardless of their age – kids love to be in the dark as long as they feel safe.

We lived on a lake while the kids were growing up. It was a great place to live and we tried our best to enjoy every moment we had there. One of our favorite things to do was to take a moonlight boat ride. We would surprise the kids after dinner and tell them that tonight was a late night.

We would wait until it got dark and then we would head out on the lake. The stars were usually amazing and the lake was quiet. We would head out with blankets and treats for our cruise. We would cruise around the lake slowly, listening to music and snuggling. After we cruised for a while, we would stop in the middle of the lake. We’d all crawl up front and snuggle while watching the stars. It was a special time.

I think there's something magical that happens when we're outside in the dark as a family. The kids feel safe, they open up and talk and they are usually much more snuggly.

Our times in the boat were awesome. Yet we also had many moonlight walks over the years and in later years when we no longer lived on the lake we made time to watch the stars come out. Watching the stars come out was fun as they got older. We made it fun for them because we did this from the roof. We had a house that enabled us to climb out on the roof safely. The kids thought this was awesome. Just being on the roof was cool.

We'd crawl out on the roof with blankets and then lie down and watch the stars. Everyone would get excited about seeing them appear. After a while we'd just lay there and talk. These were special moments. Moments I will treasure forever.

Take the time to enjoy the evening hours with your kids. Take a walk in the moonlight, sit in your yard and watch the stars come out or simply sit in the backyard. These times could be very special to your family now and in years to come.

Variations/Suggestions:

• Sign up for a guided moonlight hike. Many outdoor adventure organizations hold these events.
• Get up when it is still dark out and go watch the sunrise. This can be a really neat way to get out in the dark as well. Wake everyone up, bring coffee and hot chocolate and then go sit outside somewhere and watch the sun come up.
• Go out after dark and look for frogs. We used to do this with our whole extended family when we lived on the lake. It was a true adventure.

Challenge:
Plan a night when you can go out in the dark for a walk or to watch the stars come out.

Excercise Together

“Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness.” Edward Stanley

Exercise is more fun when we do it with other people. I often have a hard time motivating myself to get out of the house and go to the gym. Yet if I have a workout partner it's much easier to get moving. I need accountability in my life when it comes to working out.

We've tried to make some form of exercise a regular part of family life. We've tried everything from hiking to water skiing. We've run the mile with the kids when they were practicing for the timed event at school. We've taught each of our kids to water ski, hiked mountains, biked long trails and have enjoyed many long walks with the dog.

Exercising together is fun. I find that when we are at the gym or taking a walk together – conversation comes easy. We tend to be more relaxed and usually have a laugh or too. It’s time when we release stress and enjoy being together.

By making family exercise a habit – it’ll be there when you really need it. Recently I’d been struggling with working out. I’d been experiencing lots of back pain, was busy at work and just had no motivation to work out. I just plain did not want to exercise. But my daughter did. For some reason when I was feeling lazy she was super motivated.

She bugged me every day to go to the gym. She was working out and feeling good and she knew I'd feel better if I went with her. And I did. I broke down and began to join her at the gym once again and I felt a million times better. She knew exactly what I needed.

Creating habits with our kids is a two way street. We can help them keep on the track and they can in turn help us.

Variations/Suggestions:

• Learn a new sport together. Try skiing, sailing, biking, rock climbing, surfing, scuba diving or roller blading.
• Plan exercise days. This could involve a long walk, a mountain hike, a bike ride, skiing or running a race together.
• Hire a personal trainer. This will get you on the right track with exercise and then you can involve your family.
• Do what your kids love to do – swim, jump on the trampoline, bike, jump rope or just run around the neighborhood.
• Turn off the TV. Make a commitment to watch less TV and plan some physical activities.
  

Challenge:
Make a list of all the fun ways your family could exercise together. Then make time for 30 minutes of family exercise this week.